Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
