Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
