Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
