I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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