I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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