shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
