I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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