And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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