I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
are you so shy because you have an std?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
