I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
