Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
