that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
