i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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