Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
