you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
