But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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