Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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