btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
