i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
