just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
