well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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