when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
