I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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