I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
