Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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