I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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