I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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