are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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