do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
