You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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