I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
