Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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