dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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