HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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