Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
