I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
