Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
