I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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