I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
