I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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