So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
