you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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