Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
