Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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