I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
