I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
