You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
