I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
