it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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