Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cockslap morals
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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