Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
