I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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