I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
