he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
