Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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