every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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