And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
