i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize