So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
