sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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