I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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