First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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