I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
