At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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