ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize