i just google imaged poop.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
