Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
