Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
