tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need to sanitize my soul.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
