Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
