Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
