so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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