Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
