when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
