We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can I color on your dick again?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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