I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
