its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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