i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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