oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize