i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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