possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
