You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
