our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
