I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize