You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
