i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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