Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
