I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize