The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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