i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did i walk over a car last night?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize