Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
