your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
