; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you made out with another girl for some wings
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I smell like Dick and happiness
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize