Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
