I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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