the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
