remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You took a bar mat shot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
