I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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