He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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