I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
