I cockslap morals
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
