So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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