I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
