Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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