She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
